Just Some Disturbed Thoughts

Yeah so I don’t know how to process this honestly. This – the flight – crash – the whole tragedy – urgh! And all I know is writing as a way of emoting so that’s what I am going to do. Even if it is my public blog and not my journal.

I don’t know how to deal with it, how to get past it, how not to think about it, how not to be affected by it. The fear, the doom, the depression, the immense pain I feel just by thinking about those in the tragedy. Can’t even imagine what their loved ones might be going through. Can’t imagine what the passengers must have felt in those 6 mins – Panic? Fear? Hope? I don’t know!

It breaks my heart thinking about it. How they must have been excited, sitting at the airport. Not a normal day for sure. They are going on vacation, heart filled with excitement. Some were returning home from vacation, their luggage packed with souvenirs, their hearts with memories. Some must have been going for work – their first trip to London maybe. For the crew it was a regular work day. They get in the flight and flight takes off and within 6 mins it’s all over – all excitement, all thoughts, all love, all anticipation – leaving just silence and chaos! Not just them, but the students in the hostel, who would not even be expecting something like this. Just gone!

Has human life become so cheap? We read so many small, big incidents that end up in death of people and nobody bats an eye anymore. At most, there are a few thousand condolence posts for the tragedy and then what? Back to normal life. What about accountability? Who is accountable for the loss of lives? For the mismanagement? For the lack of quality control checks? For the lack of safety? For the fear and mental trauma in which the rest of the public lives?

Sometimes I question the divine. If God is there why does he let this happen? Why do innocents die for no fault of their own? And why is no one held accountable? Why do the culprits go unpunished and the common innocents continue to suffer? Continue to live in fear? Isn’t he supposed to watch over us? Protect us? Punish the wrong doers?

Yeah my post is all over the place today. There is no rhyme, reason, flow to my thoughts. Because that’s how deranged my mind is today reading the news. Desperately trying to find a way to bring a sense of normalcy to myself, while also praying for those who lost their lives and their loved ones. Finding a way to not go down a spiral myself, fearing once again the loss of my loved ones, my own self. Its strange, how death of anyone immediately refreshes your mind to the memory of all those that you lost. It all comes tumbling down, all the memories that you had blocked out, all the wounds that you thought had healed. And with them come the trauma associated with overthinking literally everything. Of wondering if anything, any place, anyone is really safe. Of hoping that normal happy moments in life stay. Of praying that you lose no one so tragically. Of praying that you lose no one again!