A Year in Review

There is something about losing a loved one that nothing can really heal. The fact that you can no longer bring back, see or talk to the person no matter how hard you try, is just one of them. The worst is probably the feelings of dread and fear it triggers.

I lost my grandfather this year in March and since then internally I have been a mess. I would not say that I was the fondest of him all throughout. He has not been the easiest of people to live and adjust with. But losing him and specifically seeing him pass, suddenly, in front of me was traumatic to say the least. And that kind of triggered these emotions – of fear, of vulnerability, of insecurity. Not wanting to lose yet another loved one anytime soon.

Which is perhaps why, when I look back at the year, everything else that happened seems to kind of fade in comparison. A year that started off in one of the best possible manner, at my mama-mami’s farmhouse in Pali – a calm, peaceful abode they had bought – a place which my grandfather graced 3 months before he passed away.

It was a year where I had randomly said yes for a Himalayan Trek, worried about successfully doing it yet excited about it all the same. The prep for the trek took all of 3 months. But the trek itself was worth every effort. I think the reason why it will go down as one of my best experiences is not just because of the physical, natural beauty of it all (though that was a primary reason – I mean who can resist a view of snow-clad mountains, green meadows, bright blue skies and clear water streams along your entire route?). The biggest win from this trek was the internal peace it offered. For a person forever wrought with an overthinking problem, mental peace is the most priceless gift anyone can offer. It somehow helped me put things in perspective, bring peace to my mind and an ability to deal with issues calmly, one day at a time. Although this chilled out phase didn’t last much long, I am grateful for the few days of peace it did offer me.

On a personal front, my biggest win would be finally starting a food blog on insta thanks to some backing from a friend. It helped me get a couple of orders. And though it's not a booming blog yet, I've hope for a better future for the same. Apart from this I don’t think there has been much growth this year – except for the fact that I have now for sure realized I have matured enough to be over my own birthdays now, or that I have learnt to become more confident and be able to take stand for myself & my self-worth from time to time. The Diwali this year has probably been one of my lowest so far (including all the ones I spent away from my family due to work) because it just lacked the vibe. In hindsight it could be because I missed my grandfather this festive and that kind of took away all the joy and rituals of the festive as well. I did have a good getaway with my family in Lonavala and then a bhai-dooj get-together right after. But somehow otherwise the festival was a bust.

On a professional front, my travel continued, though not as much as it had been last year. Still, 7 states and one country are not a bad record for the year either, right? Many work storms came up this year – some passed on with just a prolonged thunder, some we are still weathering. But one thing it proved for certain that there can be no certainty, no predictability anywhere in the universe. Work aside, thanks to my office friends, I did rediscover the joy of playing TT long after my MBA days. It’s a part of my office routine now, I would like to say, and a much needed one that too.

If there would be anything, that tops the list for the year, even after the 500 odd words I have rambled on for in this write up, it will be meeting my cousin after 3 years. Growth, going Global, travel becoming more accessible has a downside – that your bonds now have to be kept strong across the seven seas & continents. And you don’t really get to meet them as often. The plus side is, when you do, it is the best feeling in the world. We had a total extended weekend out with him – just us cousins – chilling, playing, eating, gossiping, traveling. Just knowing that we can continue that connect years later, despite not being in regular touch is a comfort.

As I wrap up this year (and this monologue), I am grateful for the people in my life. Some friendships that I have newly formed this year, some which have continued over the last few years, some which we have renewed, some which may be dormant most months of the year but I know they are there, ready to erupt if need be. In this day and age, it feels good to know that there are people in my life, outside of my family, who I can fall back on (you all know who you are) and I am forever grateful for them! And ofcourse, a huge thanks to my family, my cousins, all my loved ones for tolerating me for yet another year (you don’t have a choice, kya kare, its FAMILY :p). And a much needed and the biggest thank you to my therapist for doing her best to keep me sane yet another year.

Oh and one thing that I forgot to mention, thanks to one my dear friends - I was able to finally realise one of my long lost dreams - learn Salsa. Yay!! It has been my escape and my love, these past 9 months. Hoping that romance continues into next year as well.

That’s all for 2024! Hoping for an Amazing, Prosperous, Happy, Joyous New Year 2025 for one and all!