In the Quest for Normalcy!

Death is a deeply unsettling phenomenon. More so when it is the death of a loved one. It makes us question everything about life. It is a reminder of the transience of life. It slows down the speed of our ever fast-paced life and jolts it to a stop for those moments.


Death ofcourse has been a cause of fear & panic for most. For me, it has always induced terror & panic, not just about my own life but much more about the life, health & well being of my loved ones. Each time I've lost someone close to me, I've felt an angst, anxiety & insecurity about those in my life. I've found it difficult to imagine my life without them in it. And the overthinker that I am, it has thrown my heart & mind into complete chaos & mayhem.


In such times I've found myself in pursuit of normalcy to keep myself sane. With everything around in so much disarray, I've tended to desperately cling on to anything that will restore a sense of calm & order to my life & surroundings. Call me selfish, but it's my survival instinct to ensure my sanity.


And more often than not, my work, my job has been that saviour, that distraction, that lumbar of support. Work, which in "normal" times becomes a source of sleeplessness, exhaustion & stress, turns out to be a great help in coping with problems in personal life for me. And I've found myself turning to it when we were in lockdown, when I was down with Covid, when I've had fights or arguments with my loved ones and more recently when I've lost a loved one.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hardcore workaholic. I love my personal life as much as I love my job & work. But in times of personal unrest, there is something unnaturally comforting and satisfying about the monotony of work, about working among a multitude of people bent over their laptops working with so much fervour yet indifference. When personally things are in turmoil, it is nice to be surrounded by people unaware of the storm in your life, treating you as an equal, treating you with NORMALCY, without any sympathy or pity. And it's been a solace to me at all those times in my life when I've needed to get away from the distress of my personal life & nosedive into something to keep my mind from overthinking.


I know it's not exactly a long term coping mechanism nor a healthy one. Sooner or later I have to take my head out of the sand & deal with my emotions, my family, my problems. But at the moment when I can barely wade my way through life this distraction called work is what keeps me from drowning. I'm glad for these straws that keep me afloat till I'm ready to calmly deal with the storm.

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