Of Birthdays, Growing Older & Hopefully Wiser

I may seem mature & serious in my poems & articles but I am generally a perfect child when it comes to my birthday. My countdown used to start from a month ago & I would be in the air during my birthday week. The night before I could hardly sleep as I waited for midnight to see who all called & wished.


This year while I started the week with great excitement, over days the enthusiasm significantly reduced. Till on the day of my birthday I was kind of bummed. It had nothing to do with the age factor. But it was the first birthday I wasn't really excited or happy about. I spent the day like a normal day (which as I understand many "mature" people already do - but that hasn't been my style so far). I was uncharacteristically low & subdued - spent the day working & conducting meetings. Instead of feeling bummed at the end of the day that yet another birthday is over, I was feeling spent yet content - not having realised how & where the day went.


Is this what growing up & maturing is? Unable to generate happiness & excitement over small things that u enjoyed previously? 

Or is this what growing wiser is? Understanding that there is nothing special about a birthday & can be spent as a regular day?


Either way it made me feel & experience "adulting" like nothing else before. Whether it will last will know next year.


On a lighter note - thank you all for your kind wishes. 😀

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Year in Review

There is something about losing a loved one that nothing can really heal. The fact that you can no longer bring back, see or talk to the person no matter how hard you try, is just one of them. The worst is probably the feelings of dread and fear it triggers. I lost my grandfather this year in March and since then internally I have been a mess. I would not say that I was the fondest of him all throughout. He has not been the easiest of people to live and adjust with. But losing him and specifically seeing him pass, suddenly, in front of me was traumatic to say the least. And that kind of triggered these emotions – of fear, of vulnerability, of insecurity. Not wanting to lose yet another loved one anytime soon. Which is perhaps why, when I look back at the year, everything else that happened seems to kind of fade in comparison. A year that started off in one of the best possible manner, at my mama-mami’s farmhouse in Pali – a calm, peaceful abode they had bought – a place which my gr...
Read more

Gratitude

A late post for my birthday From the time I was a kid, right until a few years ago, I used to be really really excited for my birthday. The countdown would begin from a month ago. There would be planning, hoping for some surprises, cakes, celebration. I would be waiting to see who calls at midnight and if the ones I really love remember my birthday or no. It all changed suddenly (thankfully) a few years ago, when birthday lost its meaning, its importance. It was just another day. That’s not to say that the concept of birthdays was not appealing. I really enjoy making them special – for others. But my own? I am not as much excited anymore. Maturity? Growth? I hope so! Have I really grown wiser? Calmer? More patient? I don’t know. But have I learnt to cope with things better? Become stronger? I think so. Because I have been blessed with a support system so rare, they don’t let me fall. This birthday was special to me because it came riding on the back of one of my toughest ...
Read more

The Question of Self Worth

Do you feel the need to constantly prove yourself even when no one is asking you to? The pressure to add value to a team, a project, a group? The stress to not feel like a burden but instead an asset? Hoping that people around are happy with you, satisfied with you, proud of you? If yes, then welcome to my world – of overthinking, over stressing, over pleasing! I won’t say I am the most amicable or patient – quite the opposite in fact. I am also one of the most straightforward, undiplomatic persons you could have the misfortune to encounter. And yet I have this gnawing need to be worthy – of someone, of their joy, their pride, their satisfaction. And with that comes an earnest, perseverant effort to go that extra mile, to win over their approval – even if it is at the cost of my own peace or health. So in this battle – to be straightforward, yet to try and avoid conflict; to showcase my displeasure, yet earn respect; to fight for logical and yet gain acceptance – I get strewn all...
Read more